THE NERVOUS SYSTEM

bleahhhhhhh!!!

2006-08-30T19:49:00.000-04:00

last call

2006-08-30T19:43:00.000-04:00

before/after 002

2006-08-30T19:39:00.000-04:00

almost paradise...

2006-08-15T13:34:00.000-04:00

i have no idea what made it go down like this, but when i stood back from this all i could think of was the ann wilson/mike reno song from "footloose". i have no idea why.

before/after

2006-08-15T13:01:00.000-04:00

don't count on it

2006-08-06T22:30:00.000-04:00

i made this last night and today. i had been wanting to do a cyborg animal shorting out for the last week or so and i just fell into doing a sheep somehow. scratch that. ...and just fell into painting a sheep somehow.

this heat

2006-08-05T10:14:00.000-04:00

i look like hell. i haven't slept in 4 days.
here i am a week ago, before the weather changed,
and another photo taken just this morning.

*

2006-08-05T10:12:00.000-04:00

i need santa's email address.

2006-08-05T09:57:00.000-04:00

It has no moving parts. Yet, it can fire standard, small-caliber projectiles from multiple barrels at speeds up to one million rounds per minute. Is it still a gun?

Its creators call it Metal Storm. No moving parts mean no jams in the traditional sense and a quiet operating mechanism. The high rate of fire is not just a function of the number of barrels. The cartridges are initiated with an electronic impulse.

Building on earlier technology, successfully demonstrated over the past three years, Metal Storm continues to try to drag small arms technology—some might suggest kicking and screaming—into the computer age. Inventor Michael O’Dwyer said his Australian-based company, also named Metal Storm, has found additional applications and new ways to incorporate other technologies with its own.

Metal Storm still is ranked as a high-risk technology among the latest in a string of efforts to achieve a real leap ahead in small-arms technology. Prototypes have been demonstrated to the apparent satisfaction of the U.S. Defense Advance Research Projects Agency. Metal Storm’s owners have received more than $50 million in development dollars from the U.S and Australian governments.

Looking beyond the traditional, a single, or multi-barreled Metal Storm device could be added to an existing weapon on a Picatinny rail, or current optics and fire-control systems could be added to a Metal Storm platform. The company has taken its 9 mm pistol and incorporated a key control device to create its own version of a “smart gun” for possible law enforcement applications. This variant could fire multiple rounds with a single trigger pull. On activation, the weapon could send out a “help” signal on a radio frequency to call for backup.

The Australian company is partnered with the U.S.-based SAIC in a DARPA-led contract to develop a new, lightweight advanced sniper rifle, based on Metal Storm technology. Rather than depending on larger calibers—such as .50 caliber or 20 mm—the Metal Storm advanced sniper rifle would use .45 caliber ammunition, with thousands of rounds fired at a high rate of fire.

The ammunition developed for the sniper version of Metal Storm comes in two versions. One has a .17 caliber tungsten sabot fin stabilized projectile. The second variation has a .22 caliber sabot round that is spin stabilized. Both variants are caseless and electronically primed.

Some of the advantages of the sniper application noted by its developers include a rapid reload, since the rounds come in a pre-loaded barrel. This same technology allows the shooter to quickly change calibers or ammunition type. It also offers the user the option to make a quick shift to less-than-lethal, as a scenario evolves. Because Metal Storm can be programmed to fire multiple rounds with a single trigger pull at an extremely high rate of fire, it is conceivable that a sniper could deliver multiple rounds, a double or triple tap, at long range, with no recoil between rounds.

Metal Storm’s creators reduced the rate of fire in the sniper version to a more manageable 60,000 rounds per minute to improve the accuracy of a sniper rifle version. The company has been experimenting with the sniper rifle for the past year.

Australia’s Defense Science and Technology Organization is looking at various applications for the technology, including area denial, vehicle self-defense and a close-in weapon system. The company also is looking at civilian applications, such as firefighting.

mark leyner's bodyguards:

2006-08-03T23:20:00.000-04:00

fuck music. it's all been pointless after this.

2006-08-03T22:04:00.000-04:00

who are the people in your neighborhood?

2006-08-01T18:44:00.000-04:00

hey mr. tambourine man...

2006-08-01T00:30:00.000-04:00

glass!? who gives a shit about glass!? who the fuck is this!?

2006-07-30T16:55:00.000-04:00

yesterday i was riding and i wrecked in front of my studio. i was drunk, trying to talk on my cell, get my keys out and get off my bike all at once. did i mention it was 2 pm? bitch of it is is my hand going to brake my fall and landing in a broken bottle and taking a chunk of brian out of my hand. all my life i thought bottles breaking over people really was funny. i guess it's only funny when it happens to somebody else. i spent the next 45 minutes trying to remove dirt and gravel and glass splinters out of my hand. it was the closest i came to feeling like bruce willis in die hard all day.

national geographic presents

2006-07-30T15:11:00.001-04:00

this is a clip from Night of the Lepus, one of the most frightening, real, and sobering wildlife documentaries i have ever seen.

michael stipe

2006-07-30T11:13:00.000-04:00

yes, george washington wore this.

2006-07-30T10:59:00.000-04:00

Washington's Apron - Presented By Bro. Lafayette

When the young Marquis de Lafayette came to America at the age of 20 and joined George Washington's army for the Battle of Brandywine in 1777, the American cause had become his cause.
The affection each man held for the other is legendary. So, too, is the legacy of Masonic history developed through that affection. For many years Masons and non-Masons believed that the white silk apron known as the Lafayette Apron, had been embroidered by Madame Lafayette and presented to Bro. George Washington by Bro. Lafayette in August of 1784. This cannot be documented as fact. It has, however, been ascertained that the Apron did indeed belong to Bro. Washington, and current research suggests that it was made in China.

The apron was presented to the Grand Lodge of Pennsylvania by the Washington Benevolent Society on July 3, 1829 and is now on display in the Grand Lodge Museum at the Masonic Temple in Philadelphia. It is a study in symbolism. For example, the apron border colors of red, white and blue are the national colors of both the United States and France. Symbols are silent emblems having meaning only when interpreted. Given the unique character of the interpretation process, it can be understood that no symbol has absolute meaning.
In preparing the following, the late Bro. Frank W. Bobb, Grand Lodge librarian and curator, has used those meanings most widely accepted by Masonic scholars in interpreting the symbolism of the Washington Apron.

1. RED symbolizes courage, zeal, the blood of life, and fire. It is the color of Royal Arch Masonry.

2. WHITE has throughout the ages represented purity and innocence.

3. BLUE has been esteemed since antiquity as a beneficent color, denoting immortality, eternity, chastity and fidelity. It is the color of Symbolic Masonry, "the Blue Lodge."

4. ALL-SEEING EYE, a symbol of watchfulness and of the Supreme Being.

5. RAYS or Glory, symbolic of the power of the Supreme Being to penetrate the innermost reaches of the human heart.

6. RAINBOW is sometimes associated with the Royal Arch. It is also part of the architectural arch, being the 9th arch under Solomon's Temple. It is supported by two Pillars (see No.8). Another interpretation calls it the Arch of Heaven supported by pillars (Job 26:11). The pillars which support the arch are emblematical of Wisdom and Strength.

7. MOON, one of the Lesser Lights in Freemasonry. The Moon governs and rules the night.

8. PILLARS OF ENOCH. Enoch, fearing that the principles of the arts and sciences might be lost, erected two pillars. the one of marble to withstand fire, the other of brass to resist water. On each he engraved that which he feared would be lost. The Globes are symbols of Unity and Peace and Plenty. (See also No.37)

9. PILLARS B. and J. were within the porch of King Solomon's Temple. Boaz the name of the left pillar means "in strength"; the right pillar, Jachin, means "God will establish" (see also No.38). The globe on the left pillar represents earth; that on the right, heaven. These brazen pillars with their globes are today the columns of the Senior and Junior Wardens.

10. DOVE in early Masonry is a symbol of Noah's messenger. In ancient symbolism, the dove represented purity and innocence.

11. FORTY-SEVENTH PROBLEM OF EUCLID'S first book of geometry. It is said that when Pythagoras solved the problem he exclaimed, "Eureka!," which signifies "I have found it." It is, however, not a problem, but a theorem. It has been adopted as the symbol on the Past Master Mason's Jewel in Pennsylvania (The Ahiman Rezon, Art. XVI, Sec, 3 & 4).

12. HOPE is sometimes shown as a female with an anchor, also as an anchor near the ark. ANCHOR, an emblem of a well-grounded hope and a well-spent life. With hope, an Anchor holds the soul both sure and steadfast.

13. PLUMB, the proper Masonic Jewel of the Junior Warden, admonishes us to walk uprightly before God and man. It is one of the working tools of operative Masons, used to try perpendiculars.

14. JACOB'S LADDER without a clouded canopy or star-decked heaven, which he saw in a vision ascending from earth to heaven. The three principal rounds are denominated FAITH, HOPE, and CHARITY.

15. SQUARE WITHIN BOUNDS is a symbol formed by four stonemason's squares of equal arms superimposed one on the other to form a central square. This symbol has not been found in American or English books of Masonic symbolism and therefore may well be of French origin. There has been no interpretation found for it to date.

16. LIGHTS or BURNING TAPERS, like the three principal Lodge officers, refer undoubtedly to the three stations of the sun: its rising in the East (Worshipful Master), its meridian in the South (Junior Warden), and its setting in the West (Senior Warden). (See also Nos. 30 & 31)

17. TROWEL, a working tool of the operative mason, is used symbolically for spreading the cement of Brotherly love and affection.

18. FIVE-POINTED STAR represents the five points of fellowship. Within the star is the letter "G," a well-known symbol of Freemasonry representing both God and geometry.

19. MOSAIC PAVEMENT, a representation ofthe ground floor of King Solomon's Temple. The Masonic Pavement is emblematical of human life, checked with good and evil.

20. STEPS are usually three in number. The six steps are said to represent degrees Washington received.

21. HOLY BIBLE, the great light of Freemasonry.

22. COFFIN has always symbolized death. It is found on tracing boards of the 18th century and, in that time, constituted a part of the esoteric symbolism.

23. SKULL AND CROSS-BONES are symbols of mortality and death and are so used in French degrees.

24. SPRIG OF ACACIA. The acacia tree is supposedly the shittah wood of the Old Testament. The name is sometimes spelled Cassia. It has long been used as a symbol of immortality.

25. SQUARE is the proper Masonic Jewel of the Master of the Lodge. It is one of the Great Lights in Freemasonry. It is the stonemason's square of two equal arms.

26. COMPASSES, the proper Masonic emblem of the Craft, and one of the Great Lights in Freemasonry.

27. BRICK WALL appears to represent the place in the Lodge occupied by the Altar. The Holy Bible, Square, and Compasses rest upon it, as do the three Lesser Lights. It composes nine rows of bricks, one upon the other. To give the symbolic meaning of the wall would be mere speculation.

28. ARK is emblematical of that Divine Ark which safely carries us over this tempest-tossed life. It is often shown with the Anchor.

29. SETTING MAUL, in operative Masonry, is used for setting stones, that is, tapping them to a firm seat in the mortar or urging them sidewise into place. It is considered by some to be a symbol of untimely death.

30. (See No.16)

31. (See No.16)

32. TREASURER of the Lodge wearing the Apron of his office and holding the emblem of his office, Crossed Keys.

33. TWENTY-FOUR INCH GAUGE symbolizes the twenty-four hours of day divided into three equal parts devoted to God, usual vocations, and rest.

34. SWORD POINTING TO A NAKED HEART demonstrates that justice will sooner or later overtake us; and that although our thoughts, words and actions may be hidden from the eyes of man, they are not hidden from the All-Seeing Eye.

35. TASSEL consists of a cord with tassels on the ends. It alludes to the Care of Providence which surrounds and keeps us within its protection while we govern our lives by the four cardinal virtues: temperance, fortitude, prudence and justice. The tassel may also represent the Mystic Tie, that sacred bond which unites men of diverse opinions into one band of Brothers.

36. LEVEL, the proper Masonic Jewel of the Senior Warden, symbolizes equality and reminds us that we are traveling upon the level of time, It is one of the working tools of an operative mason.

37. (See No.8)

38. (See No.9)

39. SUN, one of the Lesser light as a source of light it reminds the Mason of that intellectual light of which he is in constant search.

40. SEVEN SIX-POINTED STARS. The number SEVEN represents the Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences: Grammar, Rhetoric, Logic, Arithmetic, Geometry, Music and Astronomy. The SIX-POINTED STAR symbolizes Divine Providence, the star of David or Shield of David. It comprises two interlaced triangles, which have a number of Masonic interpretations.

41. LETTERS used symbolically in the Mark Master Mason's degree, Chapter of Royal Arch Mason.

42. BEEHIVE is the emblem of industry. It teaches us that as we came into this world rational and intelligent beings, so we should ever be industrious ones.

43. APRON. The Masonic Apron, which derives from the working apron of the stonemason, is in itself a symbol. It is an emblem of innocence, and the badge of a Freemason.

so chocolatey...

2006-07-29T15:04:00.000-04:00

NY Style Elastic Loaves

2006-07-29T14:42:00.000-04:00

Iranian leader bans usage of foreign words

Sat Jul 29, 9:31 AM ET

TEHRAN, Iran - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ordered government and cultural bodies to use modified Persian words to replace foreign words that have crept into the language, such as "pizzas" which will now be known as "elastic loaves," state media reported Saturday.

The presidential decree, issued earlier this week, orders all governmental agencies, newspapers and publications to use words deemed more appropriate by the official language watchdog, the Farhangestan Zaban e Farsi, or Persian Academy, the Irna official news agency reported.

The academy has introduced more than 2,000 words as alternatives for some of the foreign words that have become commonly used in
Iran, mostly from Western languages. The government is less sensitive about Arabic words, because the Quran is written in Arabic.

Among other changes, a "chat" will become a "short talk" and a "cabin" will be renamed a "small room," according to official Web site of the academy.

The Leykam Initiative

2006-07-29T14:26:00.000-04:00

this is an excerpt from an email from my friend Peter. i've known him since high school and is one of the most intelligent and eccentric people i know. something in this really struck a chord with me and thought i should put it here......

Sorry for the long mass email rant. I've been searching in vain for any intelligent commentary on the current crisis that is, I fear, already turning disastrous for the US, Israel and Lebanon. Not finding it, I thought I would broadcast my $.02 into the ether with the hope of provoking more thought than rage. If you find my thoughts offensive, please use them as the start of a conversation rather than an argument. These days people seem only capable of approaching people that they disagree with with screams and invective. A world where dialogue is impossible terrifies me infinitely more than the bombs that are its logical consequence.

I have been trying to figure out exactly what has been going on in the world around me for the past couple of days, which has been an exercise in futility. At last, after examining my soul, I have figured out why the logic underlying our actions in Lebanon has eluded me- pin pointing the exact moment where I went wrong. It was in my high school shop class. Mr. Sutter was in his office and some of the cool kids were going in to the room where the varnish was kept to get high. They would take the lids off of all of the cans of paint thinner and shellac, turn off the exhaust fan and giggle uncontrollably as their brain cells died by the thousands. I can't help but wonder that if I had spent several months in that room basting in the chemical bliss, the actions of my government and of Israel, would make perfect sense. The fact that several of my classmates who passed their high school careers huffing paint thinner and sniffing glue have been appointed to high level positions in the current administration only underscores my point. They invited me in, but as I was still heeding Nancy's advice I replied with a smug "No, thank you." Who knows, if I had followed them in I would probably be Undersecretary of State by now.

But I have finally found someone who sums up what I'm feeling. It was a poster on Rapture Ready, a website where believers in evangelical Christianity gleefully await the second coming. He writes:

"Is it time to get excited? I can't help the way I feel. For the first time in my Christian walk, I have no doubts that the day of the Lords appearing is upon us. I have never felt this way before, I have a joy that bubbles up every-time I think of him, for I know this is truly the time I have waited for so long. Am I alone in feeling guilty about the human suffering like my joy at his appearing somehow fuels the evil I see everywhere. If it were not for the souls that hang in the balance and the horror that stalks man daily on this earth, my joy would be complete. For those of us who await his arrival know, somehow we just know it won't be long now, the Bridegroom cometh rather man is ready are not."

In order to truly capture my mood, of course, you would have to read "excited" as "terrified" and "joy that bubbles up" as "fear and loathing that envelops me in a mind numbing rage".. but you get the idea. Yes kids, the world is ending and, although I suspect that we'll wind up on the burning for all eternity in a lake of fire side of things rather than walking with the Bridegroom, I can't deny the anticipation in the air.

I've heard a lot of people arguing that Israel is justified in spreading death and mayhem throughout Lebanon because Hezbollah captured two Israeli soldiers. Of course, by that measure Hezbollah would be justified due to Israels imprisonment of hundreds of Lebanese. And I would imagine that either side could go back and forth down to Cain's reply to God's inquiry about the freshly murdered Able, "Am I my brother's keeper?" One Bible scholar argued that the entire rest of the Bible is an answer to this - the first question asked of God by man. He felt that the answer was a resounding "Yes". Apparently my government and that of Israel would disagree, despite the fact that they endorse ideologies based on the Old Testament.

Most of you know me as a lapsed Catholic. Its not that I don't like Jesus per se, we simply agree to disagree on a variety of points and don't let that get in the way of our friendship. I'm not so lapsed, however, that I don't get offended when my tax dollars are spent funding an army that sees fit to drop a White Phosphorous bomb on a Greek Orthodox Church housing refugees. White Phosphorus is an incendiary weapon that is illegal to use against soldiers, let alone civilians huddled in a church for shelter. It burns through to the bone, and the chemicals invade victim's bodies causing organ failure. What strategic goal was advanced by destroying a church? Or a dairy farm for that matter? What did Israel gain by killing UN observers? Or leveling apartment buildings in Beirut?

Why is my government standing in the way of a cease fire in Lebanon, as civilians are being targeted? There are no rational reasons behind Israel's attacks. If they were simply aiming at Hezbollah, trying to take out their missiles that would be understandable and justified. Hezbollah's rocket attacks on Northern Israel are unjustified, illegal and utterly insane. (And if I spend insufficient time condemning their war crimes its simply because my tax dollars don't subsidize them) However, in attacking Lebanon as a whole, in destroying the central government, economy and civil infrastructure, they are sewing death and chaos that has no conceivable chance of damaging Hezbollah. I can think of no war where the arithmetic of collective punishment has successfully made people support their attackers. And the central government of Lebanon would be, if nurtured instead of being destroyed, the only force that could disarm Hezbollah.

And then there's Iraq, which burns on despite the fact that we've changed the channel. Muqtada Al Sadr - who's coalition controls 30% of the Iraqi Parliament is gathering soldiers to got to Lebanon to fight Israel. How long will it be before they abandon that as unfeasible and decided to attack Israel's friends in Iraq? Every bullet, gallon of gas, roll of toilet paper or piece of food that our 100,000 soldiers in Iraq use has to be trucked for hundreds of miles through Shi'ite territory, and the major Iraqi Shi'ite organizations that make up the Iraqi government, police and army have long friendships with Hezbollah. I was no fan of the invasion of Iraq, but I have no desire to see the Green Zone become Dien Bien Phu on the Tigris.

I have called my congressmen, but they feel that we should support Israel. However, in this I do not see us as being good friends to Israel at all. Real friends are the only people that you can rely on to extend a restraining hand when you're damaging yourself. This is codependency with cluster bombs, and in the end the two of us will drag each other down.

I just returned from a church where I heard a courageous young woman who was caught in Lebanon. Deciding that other people needed to be evacuated more than her, she and her sister arranged their own way out of the battlefield - a taxi to the Syrian border that sped past the burnt out shells of cars and buildings. In that spirit, I offer my place in the Rapture to any of you who feels that they need it. I can find my own way home.

clearly it was the other kind of phone

2006-07-28T18:30:00.000-04:00

Man Arrested For Taking Cellphone Photo Of Police Activity

NBC 10 | July 28 2006

PHILADELPHIA -- A Philadelphia family said they are outraged over the arrest of one of their family members.

The family of Neftaly Cruz said police had no right to come onto their property and arrest their 21-year-old son simply because he was using his cell phone's camera. They told their story to Harry Hairston and the NBC 10 Investigators.

"I was humiliated. I was embarrassed, you know," Cruz said.

Cruz, 21, told the NBC 10 Investigators that police arrested him last Wednesday for taking a picture of police activity with his cell phone.

Police at the 35th district said they were in Cruz's neighborhood that night arresting a drug dealer.

Cruz said that when he heard a commotion, he walked out of his back door with his cell phone to see what was happening. He said that when he saw the street lined with police cars, he decided to take a picture of the scene.

"I opened (the phone) and took a shot," Cruz said.

Moments later, Cruz said he got the shock of his life when an officer came to his back yard gate.

"He opened the gate and took me by my right hand," Cruz said.

Cruz said the officer threw him onto a police car, cuffed him and took him to jail.

A neighbor said she witnessed the incident and could not believe what she saw.

"He opened up the gate and Neffy was coming down and he went up to Neffy, pulled him down, had Neffy on the car and was telling him, 'You should have just went in the house and minded your own business instead of trying to take pictures off your picture phone,'" said Gerrell Martin.

Cruz said police told him that he broke a new law that prohibits people from taking pictures of police with cell phones.

"They threatened to charge me with conspiracy, impeding an investigation, obstruction of a investigation. … They said, 'You were impeding this investigation.' (I asked,) "By doing what?' (The officer said,) 'By taking a picture of the police officers with a camera phone,'" Cruz said.

Cruz's parents, who got him out of jail, said police told them the same thing.

"He said he was taking pictures with his cell phone and that was obstructing an investigation," said Aracelis Cruz, Neftaly Cruz's mother.

The NBC 10 Investigators asked the ACLU union how they viewed the incident.

"There is no law that prevents people from taking pictures of what anybody can see on the street," said Larry Frankel of the American Civil Liberties Union. "I think it's rather scary that in this country you could actually be taken down to police headquarters for taking a picture on your cell phone of activities that are clearly visible on the street."

Frankel said Cruz's civil rights might have been violated.

"He was unlawfully seized, which is a violation of the 4th amendment the last time we checked," Frankel said.

Cruz, a Penn State University senior, said that after about an hour police told him he was lucky because there was no supervisor on duty, so they released him.

"They said if the supervisor was there I wouldn't be a free man and that he is letting me go because he felt that I was a good person," Cruz said.

Police told Hairston that they did take Cruz into to custody, but they said Cruz was not on his property when they arrested him. Police also denied that they told Cruze he was breaking the law with his cell phone. Cruz's famly said it has filed a formal complaint with the police department's Internal Affairs division and are requesting a complete investigation.

with cigarette prices so high, it helps to be thrifty with other vices

2006-07-28T17:31:00.000-04:00

now, i know what you're thinking. how can i build a meth lab in a small new york apartment? basically all you need is a kitchen and the few items listed here and you can be well on your way to having all the secrets of the universe figured out. best of luck trying to explain them to anybody after being awake for 70 hrs straight.

i don't wanna grow up, cause baby if i did, i wouldn't be an arcturus kid...

2006-07-28T17:21:00.000-04:00

i just like this image and wanted to put it here. i'm sorry, nothing too witty is coming to mind.

you'll need measuring spoons and a saucepan

2006-07-28T17:14:00.000-04:00

it's summer and a lot of my friends have been having bbq's and what not. so i was trying to come up with something really outstanding and i came across this simple set of instructions for "
the endless summer". thanks to my friend Jamal for the pics. lookin, good, buddy!

last night

2006-07-28T07:58:00.000-04:00

thanks a lot josh. it looks killer, sorry about the less than stellar picture here.

world cup action (89 weapons recovered)

2006-07-23T13:28:00.000-04:00

and then there's this guy...

2006-07-23T12:49:00.000-04:00

...only chaos and merdher.

2006-07-23T12:41:00.000-04:00

Between rescuing Joaquin Phoenix from a car wreck and dodging bullets during an interview, German director Werner Herzog seems to lead a dramatic life. According to his private diaries, we shouldn’t be surprised.
[3 February 2006] German director Werner Herzog was shot by a crazed fan during a recent interview with the BBC. The 63-year-old was chatting with movie journalist Mark Kermode about his new film, the documentary Grizzly Man, when a sniper opened fire with an air rifle. “Herzog, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, said, ‘Oh, someone is shooting at us. We must go.’…He just carried on with the interview while bleeding quietly in his boxer shorts.” An unrepentant Herzog insisted, “It was not a significant bullet. I am not afraid.”

The Occasional Diary Entries of German Director Werner Herzog

Dear Diary: Calisthenics, shower, and breakfast. Then I water the garden because it is dry. After the water I put fertilizer into the soil. I feel the flowers growing stronger the more I talk to them. Accidentally with my trowel I kill a flower. The world is chaos. I am unsuccessful at crying.

Dear Diary: Today my car is stolen from the driveway. I am not surprised.

Dear Diary: Work all day, a short break, and then dinner. Routines please me because they put order into the day; without order, there is chaos and violence. But for dinner I make a cheese sandwich and I hate it. I want to spit on it and see what it does. But I eat it anyway. Everyone dies, but for now I must live.

Dear Diary: Because my new film is coming into theaters, I am with a studio executive this evening for dinner. Outside the restaurant are trees with lights in the branches. This is popular in Los Angeles. Most people, I think, find them pretty. But all I can do is stare, all I can think of is the night I watched a Sri Lankan family who lived in a tree-house burn to death. It is a moment for crying, but not for me. I remember watching the babies on fire and not crying. I proceed to coat-check.

The dinner specials include scallops. “I will have the scallops,” I tell the waiter, and they are fine, they do not hurt me.

The executive asks if the new film is like Desperate Housewives, a TV program about women who enjoy sex. I have been raped by life many times. I think the waiter is shocked to hear this.

Dear Diary: When Klaus Kinski and I made Fitzcarraldo, I had trouble maintaining my composure. At one point I told Kinski I would shoot him if he did not cooperate. This comes to mind this evening because I buy a pound of spinach leaves for dinner, but when I cook the spinach, it reduces, and there is only enough for one serving. I have four guests. I should not be surprised, but I am.

Dear Diary: In the mornings I like to dress quickly. Today in my underpants I find a hundred dollar bill. I put it in the garbage.

Dear Diary: To pass time, I look through my old diaries. This entry is from my eighth year:

The classroom upsets me. None of the boys are nice to me, and one hits me in the face. I tell him, “You are hitting me, I must go,” and I walk home, but I do not pity myself. They will die, too.

Dear Diary: I have a cellular phone plan that includes “whenever minutes.” This is a chuckle to me, because no minutes are “whenever”—they are precisely now, and in fact they are already gone.

Dear Diary: My girlfriend calls and asks me to a coffee. Her first name is Thea. I do not know her last name. She does not arrive. The gentleman in the shop puts cream in the coffee even when I say, I do not want the cream. I order a sandwich and they give me a chocolate. This is beautiful to me, this chaos in the Starbucks. All is well.

Dear Diary: My sister Hedda is a kindergarten teacher near my house. She calls me because she is sick with the flu—but not so bad that she will die, yet—and asks me to be the teacher in her place.

I consent. I enjoy being around children. Children are not dishonest and we have a very happy day together. During our snack time is when we have our conversations. Hopefully I do not fail them.

CHILD: What is paper made of?
HERZOG (ME): I do not know.

CHILD: I have a dog and a cat named Sabrina, my sister’s name is Sabrina too but she’s not a cat.
HERZOG: Is the cat named after the sister?
CHILD: No.
HERZOG: Is the sister named after the cat?
CHILD: No.
HERZOG: How old is the sister?
CHILD: I’m five.
HERZOG: You can die at any age.
CHILD: Pickles is my dog.
HERZOG: Who is Pickles named after?
CHILD: Cheese goes on the cracker!
HERZOG: I am named after nothing.
CHILD: Cheese goes on the cracker!

CHILD: How many cars fit on a plane?
HERZOG: None.
CHILD: Why?
HERZOG: It is a trick question. You are trying to deceive me.

CHILD: Why do I have to give Michael back his hat?
HERZOG: Because it is his. Give it to him.
CHILD: But it’s mine.
HERZOG: Then do not give it to him. Keep it. No one cares.
CHILD: Where’s teacher?
HERZOG: If there is a God, even he does not care, but there is not a God.

CHILD: Why do I have to eat the cracker?
HERZOG: You do not have to eat the cracker.
CHILD: Teacher makes us eat the crackers.
HERZOG: I am not Teacher, I am Herzog.
CHILD: I hate crackers.
HERZOG. Herzog hates crackers too.

Dear Diary: This is another old diary entry, from university years:

My new girlfriend’s name is Elvsted. That is her family name. I do not know her first name. I ask her to the toffee shop this afternoon and she does not meet me. I order a chocolate. Instead they serve me a sandwich. All is well.

Dear Diary: In the mall I pass a clothing store. A colorful T-shirt is on a mannequin in the window. The message on the T-shirt says “No Fear.” I break through the window with my hands and shred the T-shirt into pieces. I am not being made fun of by this clothing.

muppet babies

2006-07-23T12:37:00.000-04:00

this was from a little while ago, but i just needed to see it again.

Bizarre baby born in Dolakha

By Rajendra Manandhar

Charikot, Dolakha, March 29 - The birth of a bizarre-looking baby in Charikot, the headquarters of Dolakha district, on Wednesday, drew a huge number of onlookers to witness the astonishing sight.

The neck-less baby with its head almost totally sunk into the upper part of the body and with extraordinarily large eyeballs literally popping out of the eye-sockets, was born to Nir Bahadur Karki and Suntali Karki at the Gaurishnkar Hospital in Charikot.

The Karki couple is a permanent resident of Dolakha’s Bhirkot VDC.

The bizarre baby, however, died after half an hour of its birth, Suntali, the mother, informed. It was taken to the hospital after its death.

The news about such a baby being brought to the hospital spread like wildfire and there were hundreds gathered at the hospital to have a look. The police had to be deployed to control the crowd.

“We wouldn’t have been able to save it, even if it had been brought here alive,” said a nurse attending to the mother at the hospital, “This is an extremely abnormal case.”

The “baby” weighed 2kg at birth and was born after the normal nine-month gestation period.

Suntali, already a mother of two normal daughters, was not suffering from any illness during the pregnancy.

Nir Bahadur, the father, says he does not feel any remorse for the newly-born baby’s death. “I am happy that nothing happened to my wife,” he said.

the next level

2006-07-23T12:16:00.000-04:00

new work

2006-07-23T07:35:00.000-04:00

this is the first update in quite some time. i've been making these things instead of this.

ROBOCOP on stage...

2006-04-07T11:49:00.000-04:00

The stage production of Robocop is coming along swimmingly. If you're unfamiliar with the story, a man takes a job as a police officer in a new town and in an instant loses everything- his family, his life, even his own body and is given a second chance at life a by a corrupt corpotation who funded the people who took away his life in the first place. Now he must confront those people in order to prove to himself that they took away his human-ness, but not his humanity. Original film screenwriter and director Paul Verhoeven said earlier in a press release, "I've never heard of Brian Montuori until my agent said she was getting increasingly irritated by this man who kept calling our offices. I've put in a call to my lawyers and they're contacting him as we speak about the most recent proposal/threat."

2006-04-05T17:26:00.000-04:00

people who pretend to be something they're not

2006-04-05T17:11:00.000-04:00

You smoke?
Yeah.
Thanks.
You don't work for Nakatomi.
And if you're not one of them...
I'm a cop from New York.
New York?
Yeah.
Got invited to the Christmas party by mistake.
Who knew?
Better than being caught with your pants down, huh?
I'm John McClane.
You're, uh...
Clay.
Bill Clay.
Know how to use a handgun, Bill?
I spent a weekend at a combat ranch. That game with the guns that shoot red paint.
Probably seems stupid to you.
Nope.
Time for the real thing, Bill.
All you got to do is pull the trigger.
Come on.
33. Stockwerk. Kommt sofort.
(click)
Put down the gun and give me my detonators.
Well, well, well...
Hans.
Put it down now.
That's pretty tricky with that accent.
You oughta be on fuckin' TV with that accent.
But what do you want with the detonators?
I already used all the explosives.
Or did I?
I'm going to count to three.
Yeah. Like you did with Takagi?
(click)
Oops.
(clicking)
No bullets.
What do you think... I'm fucking stupid, Hans?
You were saying?
Karl.
Schieß auf das Fenster. 
Shoot the glass!

hey everybody, come with me!

2006-04-05T16:48:00.000-04:00

PAPER 114 - SERAPHIC PLANETARY GOVERNMENT

The Most Highs rule in the kingdoms of men through many celestial forces and agencies but chiefly through the ministry of seraphim.

At noon today the roll call of planetary angels, guardians, and others on Urantia was 501,234,619 pairs of seraphim. There were assigned to my command two hundred seraphic hosts--597,196,800 pairs of seraphim, or 1,194,393,600 individual angels. The registry, however, shows 1,002,469,238 individuals; it follows therefore that 191,924,362 angels were absent from this world on transport, messenger, and death duty. (On Urantia there are about the same number of cherubim as seraphim, and they are similarly organized.)

Seraphim and their associated cherubim have much to do with the details of the superhuman government of a planet, especially of worlds which have been isolated by rebellion. The angels, ably assisted by the midwayers, function on Urantia as the actual supermaterial ministers who execute the mandates of the resident governor general and all his associates and subordinates. Seraphim as a class are occupied with many assignments other than those of personal and group guardianship.

Urantia is not without proper and effective supervision from the system, constellation, and universe rulers. But the planetary government is unlike that of any other world in the Satania system, even in all Nebadon. This uniqueness in your plan of supervision is due to a number of unusual circumstances:

1. The life modification status of Urantia.

2. The exigencies of the Lucifer rebellion.

3. The disruptions of the Adamic default.

4. The irregularities growing out of the fact that Urantia was one of the bestowal worlds of the Universe Sovereign. Michael of Nebadon is the Planetary Prince of Urantia.

5. The special function of the twenty-four planetary directors.

6. The location on the planet of an archangels' circuit.

7. The more recent designation of the onetime incarnated Machiventa Melchizedek as vicegerent Planetary Prince.

you got me?

2006-04-05T15:52:00.000-04:00

2006-04-05T14:00:00.000-04:00